There’s Something Fishy About Ohio

“Does the summer suck in Vermont?”  My roommate asked me this morning.

“What?  No.  Oh, no.  Summer in Vermont is wonderful!  The sun is out, and sometimes it rains but the thunder always warns you first.  And you can swim in the lake, and run around outside, and garden…”

She looked skeptical.  She also looked like she had just woken up.  “What about mosquitos.”

“We have them, but it’s fine.  You just go inside when the sun goes down if don’t want to get bitten.”

This idea was met with some resistance.  Ohio mosquitoes, unlike their northerly relatives, are out all the time.  I had to admit I wasn’t really sure what Vermont mosquitoes did while they gave humans time to enjoy daylight hours.  Did they sleep?  Was it a pact with God?  Were they Vampires?

“The worst part of Ohio is the spring.  I hate spring.  It’s the worst week in the world.”

This grinchly phrase struck at my tender heart, and snuck from there to my face.  But she was unstoppable –

“In a week the weather changes from winter to summer.  We call it our ‘Week of Spring’.  The fish can’t handle the temperature change so they die and wash up on the shore and rot.”

“…Fish aren’t supposed to do that.”

“Our fish do.  Every year, they die in the spring.  Nothing is right with Lake Eerie.”

“…Fish really aren’t supposed to do that.”

“All summer, every time you stepped outside you’re met with the smell of rotting fish, and mosquitos biting you, and stickiness.  I grew up hating nature.  Then I grew up and moved away and learned: some places don’t smell like fish.”

What do you say to that?